The Adventures of Online Dating (written on MySpace in 2006)

Adventures In Online Dating

by me: Judy L. Moore

Lets see I have been seperated for over two and half years, so I decided it was high time to start looking for that "ONE" once again. Oh don't worry I will get my legal papers in order soon. Anyway I decided to try my hand at the online dating thing. Why you ask?

Well I live in a very rural area. The town I live in consists of 9 streets, 116 people, 200 dogs and well over 2000 cats. I think there are only two single men in this town.One is like 95 or 100 and the other one is my weird ass neighbor.(thats another story) Sooooo back to online dating....

First I get my pictures together, you know you have to have a close up, a girl next door one and the "sexy" one. Then you fill out all those damn questions! About me section, order yourself a man section, your perfect dream date section, what you expect your rosy relationship to be like section and how you fucked up the last relationship and got over it section. Okay got that done.

Now its time to search for Men. So I go to the tab "ONLINE NOW" in my region....Great its ME! I can date myself...Shit I been doing that for over two years and have to say " Batteries aint cheap"..enough said on that!

Okay, so I venture out to the whole United States, what the hell right? I move a lot anyway. Wow lots of cute guys! Click...open profile...oh shit! sure now show your real picture...hit red X. On to the next ...

Whats up here, most of these look like carbon copies of the last one, " love to sit by fireplace, sincere, honest, ski, boat, motorcycle, sit by fireplace...No one on single sites watches TV..Most of the profiles make them sound like they are having fun all day, all nite, everyday, all the time and every damn thing is just perfect.....WAKE UP your online dating! How active are you really? If you go to all those places arent there people there? HELLO? Anybody home? Oh ya your home, Sitting by the fireplace!

After reading egads of profiles, I decide I will wait and see who looks at me. Wow great someone looked! Open up section "who looked at me" oh great they all look the same! They are all named " Ask me for a photo" Now don't get me wrong, but dont you think people wanna know what the hell you look like? I mean if you get along in email or IM and you wanna meet, come ON get a photo already! I have to wonder if these people walk around town with a bag on their heads that say " Ask to see my face".

Then here it comes, the first IM...woohoo its getting exciting now someone wants to chat...yippy.... First he said, "Hi" I say " Hi" then comes the big question: "do you have any naked pics?" Oh shit, (shocked looked on face) I didnt know I needed naked pictures to online date??? Okay now I am looking at the screen thinking to myself, do these men walk up to a lady they just met in a bar and say, " Hey lady show me your boobs?" Do they? And why didnt I type that in the little box before I hit the red X?

So I decide to do a little more browsing, aww a couple possibles here. hehehe I get adventrous and send them a nice little email. *how cute* Then here it comes another IM...oh boy oh boy he is kinda cute...he talks pretty sanely for a bit, then says "guess what? You won't believe this, you wanna hear about it?" Like a dumb ass I say, " Sure!" He said, " I just took Viagra!" So I am like okay.....and??? He says, " I was on cam and it shot out way across the room, it was unbelievable!" Oh Gawd...click red X!

So a week or so goes by and I get some nice emails back. There are actually some really cool people online! :) Still writing a couple of them, but just as friends, which is fine by me, friends are great! Problem is how am I gonna date men who live 1500 miles away from me anyway? So I guess for now email will have to do.

A few more days go by, I keep searching and looking...OH MY GAWD..now women are looking at my profile.....UMMM HELLO...I am not Gay! (Not thats there any thing wrong with that)...but!...My profile says "Woman looking for MAN!" OK??? Now I got thoughts going through my head about some woman using my picture to ummm well u know...lmao....I need to get out more! Or maybe I need a FIREPLACE!